don't people have common sense these days?
good sunday.
family time. I SAW MY FREAKING NIECE for the first time in yearsss (: she's freaking adorable
fun party.
new shoes.
i love my friends.
i love anka!
i love life.
and i love the fact that in eight hours i`ll be in class , but i`m still in los angeles.
loving it.
i can't wait til it's really summer time (:
shweet.
ssssooo i had an interesting past few days.
let's recount in a short manner.
thursday -
good day, well not really. actually, it was a pretty crappy early afternoon. crappy test, and then someone bailed on me, which did not leave me a particularly good mood. dropped of reeka at the horseshoe for bear facts. decided to go to ten ren, get some boba and then watched the sunset at riverside.
it was nice watching the sunset. i was by myself, dressed overly casual (tank and wifebeater), sippin on my peach ice tea, and just watching people walk around, kids playing in the playground, dogs being walked... it was pretty serene. it was nice too up there, because ... it had a breeze.
after that afternoon, especially after friends ditching me for whatever reasons, it was nice to be just by myself, and not pay attention to all the stresses that had been bothering me that day. people called, i didnt answer. i wanted to distract myself just once from the stupidity of life's problems. i just wanted to just watch a sunset.
and then these really rude girls, complained about my text message alarm keep on going off. it was vibrating so it wasn't even that bad. but whatever. their complaints didnt bother me. i was in my own world.
i must have looked like an emo kid. but whatever. the breeze was nice. the conditions were perfect, and being at the park was calming. i liked it. (: thank you riverside parks. lol.
i was having a pretty shitty afternoon, and mother nature seemed to make things better for me.
got home packed and the cousin picked me and we went straight to watch the simpsons midnight showing at the mills yup yup. good times with the cousin.
got home hella late. had early morning talks with my cousin. she speaks the truth, and ilove her for it. i love how whenever i'm around her, she can understand my attitude because she knows im being sarcastic. she understands me, and she knows me well, guuuhhhh, loves the cousin
oohhh got a random comment on myspace from someone i really miss. it made my heart smile<3
friday -
woke up. saw my uncle. had BOMB lunch. dropped off my baby cousins (they are actually 14 and 16) off at their friends house. it made me smile when they left they said " i love you" to me (: awwwwww! i love my familyy!
went to the mall. chilled around ontario. drove around sang hairspray tunes and blasted it like no other. uggghh windows rolled down, singing our hearts out with elaine (:
got to elaine's house. parents waiting. drive home to LOS ANGELES, and looked on my desk and found the harry potter book waiting for me<333
saturday -
chinatown. i went to churchhhh and lectored. saw some old friends and we caught up (: andrea got macbook. i got sushi, it was a GOOD day.
sooo its now. party tomorrow afternoon next door. i get to see my LOVEs (: well some of them. yup im excited. sorry i got less descriptive as time went on during this blog. theres water melon waiting for me in the kitchen,
i love my cousin.
im tired of caring.
im tired of "playing nice"
when all i get ... is nothing.
i care too much about people.
and sure, it's a good thing.
but now i can see how my greatest strength
can turn into my biggest weakness.
"my heart is growing too big for me"
when is "playing nice" all going to be worth it?
camille, yanna, ruby, jamie, nicole, krystle, melo, janelle, jen, victoria, christine, amy, susanna, lauren, alex, kring, ... i can't wait to see you all when i get back from riverside. my loooovess!
i miss porterville, ca.
i really do.
-- what is porterville? where is it? never heard of it? well in a few words, it is in the middle of nowhere. between bakersfield and fresno. 160 miles away from los angeles. its a farming city. my grandparents lived there. i have family there. i miss that place. i havent gone back since my grandfather passed away, because now my grandma lives in LA. but regardless, i rode my bike among those streets. i threw rocks around the fields.
i miss it.
i wanna go back.
What are five things that most people don't know about you?
Submitted by mika.
- i sleep upside down. in other words, my head is not where the headboard is... my feet is there.
- deathly afraid of the dark. i still sleep with the lights on and if i have to be in the dark, i hug the closest thing to me as if my life depended on it.
- i am not a girly girl. sometimes, when i dress up, i look myself in the mirror, and i ask myself, "is this really me?" id rather be comfortable and dress in sweats and a tank.
- i still talk to the guy who i had my first little crush for. we were both 3 when we first met (o:
- i like walking around the park, and having nice conversations with friends. i used to do that at immac, when i would finish with my homework early and i had time to spare. i'd walk around with krystle diane, and we`d just talk. i wish i had the time and the accessibility to do that
Back then, I thought you were just like me
Somebody who could see all the pain I see
But you proved to me unintentionally
That you would self-destruct eventually
Now I'm thinking like the mistake I made doesn't hurt
But it's not gonna work
Cause it's really much worse than I thought
I wished you were something that you were not
And now this guilt is really all that I got
i don't know why i'm posting here... right now. i have class in a few hours, and im going to take my time with that. no one is up in the house. no TVs on. just me, and mmy music. i just feel like writing. so i am.
dang. it's already 10. im supposed to be leaving in an hour.
anyways ...
i learned how to appreciate people more over the weekend. i dont know what came over me, but after a few actions that friends have shown me throughout the week, i have learned that i appreciate the honest friend, more than the caring friend. i'd rather have someone tell me the hurtful truth, than a caring lie.
what matters to me the most, ... is just plain honesty.
i recently had a conversation with a friend of mine. we talked about how we both have changed after our first year of college.
i told her my experiences, my hopes, my goals... all that good stuff. everything ... that i have gone through. all the failed expectations i had, and also the unexpected adventures.
she shared her stories as well.
well, she gave me ... an honest response. i won't specify what exactly she dictated to me, because, duh that's totally personal, ... something to be shared only with me and her, but regardless, she gave me the truth.
most "friends" would give me the bs answer. "change is good. it's college. you're allowed to do things, that you normally wouldn't do."
she gave me the total truth. how i deserve better. how i am a better person than i really let on. how i am disappointing myself, more than everyone around me. how she misses the old carefree me. how she sometimes, doesnt recognize the person that i have become.
at the same time, she also assured me, that she was telling me these harsh truths, because she knew that i would want it that way. she knew that i would want someone to be hard on me, and tell me that ... i'm not me anymore.
wow right?
she had the guts to tell me all that. sure, i was sad. sure it was a hard realization. but, ... i learned.
some people, they are afraid to her the truth. afraid that REAL truth, will clash with their own idea of what truth really is. everyone often confuses their idea of their truth, of what .. they really want in life.
it must hurt to hear, that what you're doing ... isn't healthy ... and you deserve better than what life is giving at you.
so , instead of whining and crying my eyes out to bed, i am planning to take initiative. i am going to change.
"come on, a second chance at love "
what i learned from that two hour conversation on the phone ... was that ... i need to stop and think before i do something, is this something i really want to do.
i am going to get my priorities straight. what ever comes at me. comes at me.
screw the bad stuff. who cares? all i need in this life .. are my friends. friends who don't lie to me. friends who aren't afraid to take that extra step, because they really do care.
i love her. she's amazing. wonderful, and she's my idol. she knows who she is. thanks sweetie, you are beautiful inside and out
